Acknowledge the Grief Within

I recently took a trip back to see family. I currently have two ailing family members and wanted to be there to see them in-person; I also wanted to provide support for the rest of my family during this extremely challenging time. 

Being in this space was emotionally, mentally, and physically taxing on me. I’m an empath, always have been. Looking back, even in my early adolescent years, I have often been the person my friends would turn to be heard, share their secrets with, and provide emotional support. In some ways, I’ve also stepped into this role within my immediate family. Early on in my life, I would find myself burned out from these interactions and not realizing at the time that I had “absorbed” their energies and feelings. So much so that it started to become harmful for my own mental and emotional well-being. 

I realized last week how much grief and processing that I was holding within myself. Because I’m a coach, have my own meditation practices, have a strong support system and so on, I initially thought, “Hey, I’m good. I’m okay. I don’t need any professional help at this point to deal with everything going on!”

My trip to visit family pushed on all sorts of boundaries, and brought me back to old patterns of my younger self. During and immediately after the trip, I didn’t feel my usual sense of groundedness...there are a ton of reasons for this, but I recognized that once I was back in my own space and routine, and had the ability to come back to myself, the following inner wisdom came to me:

1. Recognize when you need extra support and professional help. I knew that I needed to process what was happening within and around me with a professional. I am fortunate to have an amazing therapist. I was able to process with her and that helped immensely; as someone that knows my family history and background, and has been there for me when I’ve grieved other circumstances in my life, it was so powerful to just have her bear witness. There is no shame in asking for help, especially in moments when you feel in the grip of life. My good friend Jinnie Schmid, is an amazing Certified Coach and Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist. She shares that, “Grief is the normal, natural way humans respond to loss; it reminds us to honor and learn from the most important relationships and experiences in our life. It unlocks important truths about ourselves and our future.”
   
   I couldn’t agree more. I took time to honor (and will continue to do so) the grief that has bubbled up for me for the past few weeks. As a result, I’ve been able to better understand some past trauma from my life, and learn how to transform it in ways that will heal me for my future. 

2. Grief shows up in many ways and can have varying degrees of circumstances that influence it. While it can speak to someone passing away, or ending a relationship, it can also show up in seemingly “smaller” or “less significant” events. For example, I realized the other day that I had a bit of grief of not having regularly scheduled work interactions and deep conversations with my former colleagues/friends. I didn’t realize how much I missed that. I was so glad to reconnect with a couple of them this week, and have those deep connections again with each other. Now I know the importance of making time and space for that.

3. Grief shows up in the physical body as a way to inform. When I got back from my trip, I felt like I needed to rest, take care of my mental well-being, and go offline for a while. I had the privilege of doing so, especially now that I’m an entrepreneur. What my body signaled was that I needed to hibernate and restore myself.  When our bodies speak, it’s a reminder to listen, vs. pushing through the pain.

If you are in a state of grieving--whatever the circumstances are--I encourage you to seek the help you need. There is no shame in admitting and recognizing this within yourself. In fact, knowing you need support is one of the greatest leadership lessons we learn in this lifetime. We’re not meant to go at this alone. Sending you healing as I write this; take good care.